


Wild Horses

by peekycheekyfics



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Grief, Mourning, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-27
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2020-07-21 09:37:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,792
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19999807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peekycheekyfics/pseuds/peekycheekyfics
Summary: Three months after the "Accident" at Starcourt Mall, Y/N goes back to Hopper's cabin to salvage anything she can.





	Wild Horses

**Author's Note:**

> This was an entry I made into a 5k writing challenge on tumblr. My username is upsidedownfics if anyone would like to follow!

It took everything in Y/N to make it back to Jim’s cabin. Everything. It was nearly three months since the “accident” at Starcourt. Nearly three months since Jim was…

Y/N’s bottom lip wobbled as she looked in the rearview mirror of her Jeep. She had backed the SUV up to the cabin to make her trips in and out easier, but now that she was sitting just outside, she didn’t think she could even get out of her vehicle. 

Every window that was visible was broken; the roof was almost completely caved in. The front steps were in shambles and the porch railings were shattered. The house that she used to make timid visits to at the beginning of their relationship, the house that she grew more and more comfortable going to as she was introduced to El, the house that she made so many memories with Jim and El in was somehow an accurate representation of just what her psyche looked like now: a crumbling foundation and a frame barely holding itself together. 

A whine from the passenger seat made Y/N blink out of her thoughts. Pepper, her five year old black Newfoundland sat patiently on the passenger seat -his seat until Jim came along. Pepper’s big, droopy eyes looked at Y/N with understanding and even a little sadness. No signs of Jim or El in their home in weeks, and his owner was a thread away from having a complete breakdown. The dog could sense it.

Y/N gave his fluffy head an affectionate scratch, then took a deep breath. 

“I know I have to go in there, Pep, but I really don’t want to.” The dog nudged his head against her hand in return. 

Nodding, Y/N turned the ignition off and forced herself out of the Cherokee. 

“Come on, boy,” She called for Pepper, who lumbered over the gearshift and hopped out of the SUV. His tail wagged as he sniffed around the familiar space. He panted as he ran around the outside of the house, looking for the two people who should’ve been inside. After coming up with nothing, Pepper came to a stop back at Y/N’s feet. He gave a soft whine, pawing at the dirt. 

“It’s just us, Pep.”

El absolutely loved the big doof of a dog from day one, giving him more kisses than he could ever want for. Jim eventually warmed up to the dog -not that he’d admit it, but he liked to curl up on the couch with Pepper when no one was home.

Y/N went around to the trunk and opened it up. Taking some empty boxes out, she stood at the steps to the decaying cabin. 

The first step gave a loud creek as Y/N stepped. Careful with where she stepped next, she made it up successfully. The front door was barely hanging on by its hinges, so Y/N only gave it a little push to enter. Pepper pushed past her, eager to get inside. He immediately ran to El’s room, nudging her door open with his snout. Y/N could hear the jingle of his collar as he lumbered around the room, sniffing under her bed and around her closet before he came running back out to the main room. He zoomed past her and passed the sheet separating Jim’s room from the rest of the house. The fabric gave a swooshing sound as it flapped out of Pepper’s way. After coming up empty once more, Pepper gave an irritated bark, but didn’t come back to the living room. 

Y/N was still shocked by the damage that had been done. The highest point of the roof had collapsed on top of the sofa, leaving it covered in dirt and debris. The dinning table was shattered, the television thrown on it’s side -glass haloed around it. 

_“When we get out of this, we are moving so goddamn far away from this place-“ Jim grunted as he was finally able to sit when they got to the mall._

_“We?” Y/N’s head whipped around to meet Jim’s eyes. Hopper raised his eyebrows and gave her a look that dared her to argue._

_“Yes, we.” He blinked, “You got a problem with that?” He sat, slightly reclined back with his weight resting on his elbows. Y/N sat next to him and crossed her arms, a grin playing on her bruised face._

_“Theoretically let’s say that I don’t have a problem with that. Where would we be moving to?”_

_“Hm…” He thought, then gave her the crazy Jim eyes, “the Alaskan wilderness,”_

_“The Alaskan wilderness?” Y/N laughed incredulously. “Chief Jim Hopper wants to live off the fat of the land?” Y/N asked, not believing a single word he was saying._

_“I could!” Hopper started getting defensive, puffing up his chest. Y/N nodded mockingly._

_“Oh I’m sure you could Mr. I-Let-A-Nine-Year-Old-Live-Off-Of-Eggo-Waffles-For-A-Year,” Jim’s jaw dropped._

_“Look!” Jim pointed at El, “She’s thriving!” Y/N smacked Jim on the chest and laughed. Jim grabbed her hand and held it to his chest. His large thumb softly ran over the splits in her knuckles from the punches she threw at the Russian robot, then brought it up and gave it a soft peck._

_“I’m serious though. We’re out of here the first chance we get,” Y/N smiled softly up at Hopper._

_“You got it, Chief.”_

_“And we don’t look back.”_

Wiping at her eyes, Y/N forced the memory away and began working on what she went there to do: recovery. She promised El that she would get what she could out of the cabin, anything salvageable, and she’d deliver them to her the next time she visited. Deciding to start in El’s room, Y/N discovered that the process was going a lot faster than she anticipated. 

After loading two boxes of El’s belongings into the back of the Jeep, Y/N made it back inside and noticed Jim’s record player sat untouched. Miraculously. Cleaning off some debris, Y/N turned it on in the hopes that the power was still on. The grainy sound of the needle against the record sounded in the room. Y/N’s heart jumped. The opening guitars to ‘Brown Sugar’ caused a sad grin to appear on her face. 

_“It’s my turn to pick the music!” Jim’s shirtless, hulking body was shielding the record player from Y/N’s grabby hands. “Hopper!” He shook his head, his hair wild from the massive case of bedhead he had going on. The couple spent the whole day inside, on the couch -and occasionally in the bed, wink wink- watching television. El was out with her friends, Hopper and Y/N both had the day off, and they were taking full advantage of how the stars had somehow perfectly aligned._

_“I can’t listen to Bonnie Tyler again, Y/N/N! I can’t do it! I won’t do it.” A cigarette was hanging limply in his lips, making the whole sight even more comical._

_“It was one time!” Y/N tried to reason._

_“One time too many. That woman is not welcome in this house.”_

_“I think you’re being just a little overdramatic, Jim.” Y/N wrapped her arms around Jim’s waist, her fingers toying with the band of his gray sweatpants._

_“No, overdramatic would be me throwing that record outside,”_

_“In that case, thank god you’re being **reasonable** ,” Y/N rolled her eyes and shifted herself to look up at him. Y/N’s hands rubbed Hopper’s back, making him look at her suspiciously. Her hands eventually made their way back to the front and hung on his broad shoulders. “How about-“ Hopper rolled his eyes playfully._

_“Here we go,”_

_“A compromise,” Y/N finished, giving him the stink-eye. “Unless you want to stay right here, dinnerless, and in a very vulnerable position,”_

_“What’s on the table?”_

_“I get to pick-“_

_“No,” Jim said as he stubbed the cigarette out on the ashtray that sat next to the record player._

_“Let me finish, you oaf! I get to pick the music we listen to while **I** get dinner ready. Once that’s in the oven, we can go take a nice, hot shower. How does that sound?” Jim’s big arms wrapped themselves around Y/N’s waist, pulling her flush against him._

_“That depends on what constitutes as music because we both know that what you **think** is music and what I **know** is music are two very different things,”_

_“Abba,” Y/N opened up the bidding, knowing that if she started high, she could come down to something that she’d like._

_“Abba-solutely not,” He said with a grin, thinking he was so cleaver. “Otis Redding.”_

_“I can’t cook to Otis,” Y/N complained, “Dolly,”_

_“Baby-dolly, you have absolutely no negotiation skills. Jim Croce.”_

_“You can’t listen to the same album for the rest of your life, Jim. Broaden your horizons. Rolling Stones.” Y/N played with the short, curly hairs at the nape of his neck. This counter-offer made Jim narrow his eyes. He pursed his lips in faux thought before looking down at Y/N._

_“That offer is…agreeable,” He grumbled._

_“Agreeable,” Y/N echoed._

_“Yes, I find it…satisfactory,” Jim’s arms tightened around Y/N, making her laugh._

_“Alright, you goon. Throw on ‘Sticky Fingers’. El should be back soon and we still need that shower.”_

The almost melancholy strumming of the guitars and crooning voice coming from the record player was enough to push Y/N towards Hopper’s room, if only to escape the song. Mick Jagger’s uncharacteristically soft voice sounded further and further away as she retreated into the last place she wanted to be. 

Pepper laid on the unmade bed, still a mess from July 2nd when all this mess started for Y/N. She felt the familiar twitch and burn signifying the onslaught of tears that were sure to come as soon as the smell of Jim’s cologne hit her nose. It was a smell, distinctly him, that she didn’t think she’d ever smell again. 

**‘Graceless lady, you know who I am. You know I can’t let you slide through my hands,’**

“No, no, no,” Y/N begged -pleaded- with herself not to break down, but she could feel it in her chest. That sinking, dragging, clawing feeling that came with death. It felt like the entirety of her ribcage was hollow and now housed something that she didn’t think would ever leave her. She put off coming to the cabin for this exact reason, amongst other things, and now that she was surrounded by him, it felt like the walls of the dam were cracking. Her foundation was giving way to a colossal surge of grief -agony- and she could do nothing but hold on and pray for dear life. 

Y/N set her final box down on the floor and sat herself on the corner of the bed. She put her head in her hands as the tears finally broke free. 

“I don’t know what to do,” Y/N’s voice cracked as she spoke into room. “Jim, I don’t know what to _do,_ ” She repeated, this time louder, sobbing into her hands. Y/N’s stomach clenched as she wailed, her body not knowing how to physically react. 

_Y/N’s body flew over the blinking consul and into the wall as the Russian psychopath threw her away from the detonation key. He was on Hopper next, not even giving Jim a chance to recover. Y/N’s eyes went in and out of focus as she tried to gain her breath back. She definitely had at least one broken rib. Joyce screamed as the men flew past her and down a flight of stairs to that nightmare machine they were getting ready to blow up._

_“Y/N! Y/N please get up! Please! I can’t reach the other key!” Joyce’s panicking voice brought Y/N out of her daze -definitely a minor concussion- and she crawled over to Joyce. She pulled herself up and back to the key, waiting for Hopper. The lunatic got an edge on Jim and tried to shove his face into the machine. Y/N panicked, getting ready to run down and help when Jim seemed to gain the upper hand. Y/N watched helplessly from the window with Joyce. After what seemed like eternity, Hopper finally ended it by shoving that monster into the glowing, spinning machine, blood and guts spattering all over Jim. He looked up to the window as the machine started to short circuit, blocking his path back to the safety room. A loud click echoed in the control room as the doors locked._

_“No,” Y/N breathed out. “Hopper!” She screamed through the glass, banging on it as hard as she could. Y/N could see the tears in Jim’s eyes as he gave her a hopeless look, a smile that said ‘what’s done is done’. There was no way out. He’s accepted his fate. “Jim Hopper don’t you dare! Do not do this, Jim!” Y/N pounded on the glass, hysterical, as if he had any say in what was about to happen. Of course Jim couldn’t hear any of it, but he could only imagine what was being said in that control room. He caught Joyce’s eye and gave a stern nod. She gave a nod back, small and understanding. She took a deep breath and turned to Y/N._

_“It’s now or never, Y/N!” Joyce screamed over the sirens and blasting of the machine. “We do it now or everyone dies!” Y/N looked to Joyce, absolutely gutted. Tears streaked down her cut and bruised cheeks, the tracks reflecting the blue light._

_“Y/N!” Y/N looked down at Jim once more, getting a nod from him and one final smile. Lips wobbling, tears flowing, she gave one final smile back to Jim, making him sigh in relief. She returned his nod, counted to three, and closed her eyes._

“I don’t know what my life was before you and El, Jim. And now that you’re both gone,” Y/N took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. She laid back fully on the bed, letting her feet dangle off the edge. Pepper crawled closer to Y/N, resting his head on her stomach.

“I feel like I’ve lost everything, Jim. I feel like I’m drowning and I don’t know which way is up. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know where to go. Joyce left with El. I couldn’t,” Y/N sobbed once more, ashamed that she couldn’t do what Jim would’ve wanted her to do, “I couldn’t take care of her and give her the best life I possibly could when I’m one second away from throwing myself off of the nearest bridge. I have nothing and I have no one and I need you. I miss you so goddamn much.” Y/N’s voice was getting more and more hoarse with each word. 

“We always used to say ‘what would you do without me?’ when one of us was being an absolute idiot, usually me to you, and you’d respond with ‘probably die, sweetheart’ with the biggest shit-eating grin on your face. Well now I’m living that reality, Jim. Without you, I feel like I am dying the slowest, most painful death possible every day that I wake up and every night when I go to bed, and there is no way to stop it.” 

**‘I have my freedom, but I don’t have much time. Faith has been broken, tears must be cried. Let’s do some living after we die,’**

“I’d go to Alaska. I’d live in the wilderness if it meant I still had you. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think of everything I could’ve done differently. Second by second, frame by frame. Everything I could’ve done. Should’ve done. I’d trade places with you in a heartbeat.” Y/N wiped her eyes, looking up at the wooden ceiling that she had woken up to so many times before. She closed her eyes, letting herself relax for the first time in weeks, comforted by the familiarity of the bed. 

Unbeknownst to Y/N, just above her, the naked lightbulb that she had begged Jim to get a cover for was flickering. Pepper picked his head up and look at it curiously. The light moved from the bulb to the lamp next to the bed, and back to the bulb, flashing obnoxiously. Y/N rolled over, grabbing Jim’s pillow and curling herself around it. 

“ _God I’ve missed you so much_ , Jim.” 

**‘Wild horses couldn’t drag me away. Wild, wild horses -we’ll ride them some day’**


End file.
